Dear friends,
This week’s conversation may challenge some long-held assumptions.
I sat down with Professor Eric Anderson to explore a question that has quietly followed me through decades of clinical work:
Why do so many intelligent, well-intentioned people struggle inside monogamy—even when they deeply value commitment?
Eric draws on the work of psychologist Leon Festinger and the theory of cognitive dissonance: the tension we feel when two truths collide. In this case, the desire for lifelong exclusivity and the reality of human biology, aging, and changing desire.
What interested me most was not the controversy, but the psychology beneath it.
We talked about how:
Desire and attachment do not always move in the same direction
Emotional intimacy can fracture long before physical betrayal appears
Our culture polices certain behaviors while ignoring others that quietly erode trust
and how rigid moral frameworks can sometimes create more harm than protection—especially for children
This was not a discussion about encouraging infidelity or dismissing commitment.
It was an invitation to think more honestly about human nature, about agreements we make without revisiting, and about what actually sustains long relationships over time.
If you’ve ever wondered why good people find themselves in impossible emotional binds—or why love can feel simpler in theory than in practice—I think you’ll find this conversation worth sitting with.
Golden light,
Dr. Richard L. Miller
Links & Resources:
Professor Eric Anderson’s Website
Professor Eric Anderson’s Publications
1-minute mind control (my latest book)
Traditional mindfulness and meditation techniques often require a huge investment of your most precious resource (time) without guarantees of results.
My own version of mindfulness—what I sometimes refer to as “mind control”—can be mastered in much less time if you commit to regular 60-90 second practice throughout the day.
Breathing. Witnessing. Changing the channel on negative thoughts.
I’ve honed these techniques over a lifetime of personal and professional practice, and now I’m sharing them with the world.
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My Other Books:
Psychedelic Medicine at the End of Life: Dying Without Fear (release date: November 5)
Freeing Sexuality: Psychologists, Consent Teachers, Polyamory Experts, and Sex Workers Speak Out
Psychedelic Wisdom: The Astonishing Rewards of Mind-Altering Substances
Psychedelic Medicine: The Healing Powers of LSD, MDMA, Psilocybin, and Ayahuasca
Integral Psychedelic Therapy (co-edited with Jason A. Butler & Genesee Herzberg)
